Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Randomize
