i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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