dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
So much Jack, so little girl.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
