I wish my penis had an off switch
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
