I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize
