is your mom at the bar?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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