We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
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