I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
