Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
