these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
