I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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