Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
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