Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
