I look better un-naked...
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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