woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Randomize
