the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
