they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
