Already got asked if we're dating
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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