I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
