i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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