I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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