My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
