That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Are my feet made of real feet?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
