He asked to "fluff my boner.."
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
