I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
