It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
