So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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