I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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