I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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