My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
if i died would you start the facebook group?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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