I'm passing your future prison.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
