Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
A+ Viking dick
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
