It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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