Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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