When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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