That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
