I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
