Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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