My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Randomize
