whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
