Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
