so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
