New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
