he shaved USA in his pubs
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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