We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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