I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
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