Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
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