Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
