I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
