Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Barsexuality is the new black.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize