Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
