lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
His nipple licking is glorious
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