Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I just blew my weed a kiss
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize