He asked to "fluff my boner.."
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
