I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
