Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
