Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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