your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
