My brain says no but my pants say off.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
