trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
