Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
