You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
