You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize