Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Randomize
