i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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