i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
