Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
They are going to name an STD after you.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
